Just happened upon a column about the trouble in the gay conversion movement. This satirical take on the issue probes some possibilities for less formal, more budget-friendly conversion options. One of them is about golf.
And with all the efforts women's golf has been making to heterosexify itself, I couldn't help but post this excerpt from the column (which also includes how to use men's golf to affirm straightness).
Enjoy--and if the topic interests you, check out the whole thing for the non-sport related conversion options.
[I]f you have a little bit of a budget, you can try my second-tier program: Straight ‘n’ Swingin!
All you need are some golf magazines.
Based on casual observation, Golf is a powerful force in turning and keeping straight men straight. And unlike football or baseball, you don’t have to worry about sweaty locker rooms or tight, sexy pants.
Just keep a supply of golf magazines on hand and send them to men you think might be having dangerously nonstraight thoughts. Or leave it on their doorsteps like periodical elves.
The only problem with that plan, of course, is it can only be applied to men. DO NOT send golf magazines to women or straight couples. In the event that the female half of the couple looks at the magazine and can stay awake, she’s in peril.
Just to be safe, don’t send a golf magazine to anybody, male or female, if it contains the phrase “Dinah Shore.”
Don’t even send out magazines with articles about golfing at the shore.
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