Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Blame Teddy Roosevelt*...

...for all this football madness. I don't know how I missed hearing about this story when it happened in June but it's being retold now, perhaps because college football season has begun.
It's obvious to even the casual observer that superiority in football is equivalent to superior masculinity. And this extends to fans. Masculinity is proved in the stands by the guy who can yell the loudest or stand the longest bare-chested in 20 degree weather.
But Oklahoma fan Allen Beckett proved his masculinity by emasculating--literally--a Texas Longhorns fan, Brian Thomas, in an Oklahoma bar. Well almost literally. Beckett did not quite succeed in castrating Thomas but pulled hard enough at his crotch to leave Thomas's testicles hanging outside of his body. Sixty stitches were required to put them back.
The events leading up to the near-castration are in dispute but there was trash talking going on.
Some interesting points to note:
1. Neither man actually attended the school he supported so fervently.
2. Beckett is a deacon in his church. I guess he must believe Jesus is a Sooners fan.
3. Beckett is also an Army veteran. Emasculation as a tactical maneuver is starting to seem like the military's only game plan.

*When college football was in danger of being eliminated by school administrators and some Christians concerned about the violence and vice associated with the game, Roosevelt stepped in to support the game as an excellent means of producing manly men. He, of course, is not solely responsible for saving the game from extinction, but his influence was great.

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